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You Created Your Own Emotional Pain

Updated: Jan 25

Winning the War Within

Do you ever wonder why no one can claim mental wellness as a permanent state? It seems like the subject “mental wellness” is the new black. . And yet with all of the progress we have made, life has a way of creating new, unsuspecting moments where an experience challenges your “cool”. This can be something as simple as a pet peeve or devastating, like a public altercation. No matter the challenge, the nervous system is activated with fear or anger. The threatening moment creates a slew of suggestions in your mind and all at once. This “all at once” onslaught can be deafening making it difficult to hear yourself think or reason with others. Have you ever reread a text the day after y and realized it doesn’t say what you believed you read initially? One of those times could have you in a total disarray because of the perception of what you chose to believe. That is a result of our fast paced world we live in. We do everything fast:read, eat, cook, react, change our minds, etc. I wonder what your life could be if you made a conscious choice to slow down. To allow yourself space to respond to life. How might that play out for you “quick thinkers”?

This is the way we create our own suffering. Our own interpretations of what the experience meant that sends us soaring into fight or flight.. The meaning we attach to an episode in our lives will dictate whether it is good or bad. Based on these beliefs, our mood responds to whether or not the details appear favorable - oftentimes before the outcome is even clear. What’s even more interesting is how this anxiety takes on an identity where we claim it as a part of our existence. “Oh, I am anxious,” one would say. As if anxiety is a cherished part of us that needs to be identified and revered. And why? So that people can treat you in a way that's amenable to your anxiety? I bet you can recall a scenario where you have seen that in real time. Your identity being carried around like a trophy gets old when the people do not respond in the ways that would make space for reactive behaviors to persist. Eventually, when it stops working in our favor, we get fed up with ourselves and decide to change.

Your identity being carried around like a trophy gets old when the people do not respond in the ways that would make space for reactive behaviors to persist.

I want to prepare you for the not-so-good news. Just as soon as you conquer a trigger and have evolved to another level of emotional maturity, life will stir up another trigger. Now the good news is: to evolve is to be human, to be born again and again. In each moment, you create new emotions and experiences, even when the surroundings are the same. Your perception of the people and places will adjust. Change is difficult. Change anyway.

The war within you stops when you decide it stops. Lose the harsh judgment of others and yourself, and your pain will transform. This is how you end the war within.

It seems to happen shortly after you have decided to grow past your most persistent trigger(s). Those who choose to evolve are no longer afraid to take ownership of their shadows.

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